In Case of Vampires: Break Glass

Halloween is here and there are a number of steps you can take in order to ensure that everyone has a safe and enjoyable holiday.
•    Make sure all candy hasn’t been tampered with, and is commercially wrapped.
•    Make sure costumes fit properly, are easy to move in, and that masks don’t impede vision.
•    Don’t trick or treat alone, follow road safety guidelines, and bring a flashlight so you can see or be seen.
•    And be prepared to defend yourself from supernatural creatures and treat any injuries they might inflict.

You’re likely already prepared for defense, I mean, who doesn’t have a kit ready with garlic, holy water, and silver to defend against vampires and werewolves? Or a fully stocked bunker in the event that this is the year of the all but inevitable zombie apocalypse?

But few people really stop to consider that in that apocalypse, the vast majority of us are going to be among the walking dead, and very, very few of us will be in the resistance. And how many times have you spoken with someone who walked away from a werewolf attack unscathed? Just as important as defense, is the treatment of supernatural injuries.

Unless you or a friend were able to fight off the vampire fairly quickly, you should get to the hospital for the blood loss.
However, if you don’t need a hospital, get home and thoroughly clean the bite with soap, water, and an antibiotic cream before covering with a clean, dry bandage (also helpful with minor cuts and bites). You should rest up and drink plenty of fluids, keep garlic and holy water nearby, and contact Professor Van Helsing to ensure that you haven’t been hypnotized. Don’t invite anyone into your home for the next few days, and try to get in before nightfall.

If you’ve actually been turned into a vampire, your injuries should heal on their own fairly quickly. As long as you still have the semblance of a soul, you should probably look into non-human options for sustenance.

Werewolf attacks tend to be messier than vampire attacks and are far more likely to require stitches. If this is the case, get to a doctor immediately.

For smaller bites, thoroughly clean the wound with soap, water, and a silver colloidal spray. Cover with a clean, dry bandage. Continue  to use the spray regularly until you’re certain you haven’t been infected.

Make sure that you have a safe and secure place to stay at the next full moon, away from other people. Have a friend check on you the next morning as you might require treatment for injuries you sustained if you turned into a werewolf. Once you’ve recovered from the transformation, consider taking up basketball training.

Unfortunately, with a zombie bite, the options for proper medical treatment are limited. Incubation periods vary wildly, so going to the hospital for treatment potentially puts a large number of people in danger, in the event you turn and attack those around you.

The best course is to treat the bite as best you can, by once again cleaning the wound thoroughly and using an antiseptic before properly covering with a clean, dry bandage. Hopefully, the wound is small enough as to not require stitches.

After that, quarantine is the best way to protect you and your loved ones. With a lack of clear information on incubation periods, it’s difficult to determine when the quarantine should end, but a minimum of one week is a safe place to start. Make sure to explain the situation to those around you, so that they can watch for signs of delayed activation and respond accordingly.

Ghosts come in such a wide variety of forms, that it’s difficult to say in what way they might strike. They could cause any number of injuries in their attempts to remove you from their home or attack you  if they are unable to take revenge on the person responsible for their death. If you do receive any injuries from an encounter, treat them as you would treat similar, non-supernatural injuries, or see a doctor.

However, what most encounters with ghosts have in common, whether poltergeist or friendly, is the sense of cold.
If you do encounter that extreme cold, the first thing you need to do is get somewhere warm, dry, and preferably not haunted.  After that, start warming up slowly and steadily, starting with the trunk and moving on to hands and feet. Don’t apply direct heat, as too rapid heating can be damaging. Make sure that you don’t re-expose yourself to the cold. (These steps are also handy in cases of non-haunted hypothermia.)

Later, consult trained professionals  to handle the ghosts directly.


For encounters with witches consult your local grand inquisitor,  for mummies your local museum docent, for goblins your local goldsmith,  and for reanimated monsters your local mad scientist. And for any legitimate injuries, always contact a medical professional.


1 Comment

  1. Marshmallow Man

    The author knows a lot about this topic. Perhaps he/she is one of these creatures of the occult. Although, most likely not a ghost.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>